Thursday, February 03, 2005

A Deep Cut from An Unbroken Glass

Today is 02 February again. This writing of the number looks familiar and only I realized it is already the 3rd anniversary of my wedding registration. How sweet everything used to be. It is only 3 years and I already can understand the feeling of a broken marriage. Not to say our relationship is broken but I could feel the romance is lost. Somehow I feel that there is a lack of deep sharing and thought and the closeness has been drifting far apart. This feeling became very strong yesterday night upon hearing my dear husband uttered the "F@#&" word to me when I reached home happily with the baby for a nice prepared dinner. It was supposed to be a happy day for me when I tried my best to prepare the house for the coming new year celebration. Didn't know it would turn out this way (a 360 degree turn from what I have been looking forward after a very very tired day).

I have learned that we can actually choose to control our temper (when we are angry at certain situation) since every moves or words gives a different outcome (and I wished my husband will learn too). Initially I wished to do 2 things yesterday night:

1. To throw all the unappreciated served dishes onto the floor (I could if I want to trigger a sharp raise on my hubbies blood pressure by breaking more glasses onto the whole house) but eventually I choosed not to. Not only I would frightened my little sick (but happy girl), there would be more mess to clear up after that and the situation would become worse.

2. To carry my sleeping girl into the car and drive both of us back to Melaka (so that my hubby could "enjoy" a frantic search with all the available numbers in his handphone and only able to recover our whereabouts when I reach home in Melaka in 2 hours time, or maybe more hours with lots of stopping by at each Rest Area attending to the crying baby).

However, I was able to refrain myself from doing that too since I feel it would create a havoc to the neighborhood, friends and our families if we just disappear like that. Furthermore, going away wouldn't do me any good as I still need to attend work the next day (to support at least myself and the baby).

Since neither one is a good choice, I just cry myself and suddenly I could understand how a single parent must have felt. t is true that a child can hold 2 person's physical life together but not emotionally. I hope my hubby would learn to be a bit more rational sometimes instead of simply throwing unreasonable tempers around.

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